Last week, my beautiful friend JJ Lassberg got all up in my Facebook and asked whether I’d fill in to speak at Netsquared Houston this week — the group of local techies that work to proactively help non-profit organizations. Well, I’m always up for helping a good cause. And as I told the group that night: “I love JJ. I Love Katie. I love Ed. What better way to start the new year than embarrass myself in front of people I love?”

So love was in the air. I had just read “Making 2011 the Year of Great Relationships.” I was in the middle of reading “The Customer Intimacy Imperative” from IBM and Peppers & Rogers. I’ve been walking on air these days, soaring on the happiest, healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. EVER.

And when I asked the Twitterverse what I should discuss, Katie Sunstrom said:

So I thought: Let’s do this. Let’s get back to real intimacy. Remember the “relations” part of public relations. Put the “social” back in social media. And let’s do it in a way that shows Ed just how much of a prude I am. (Inside joke.)

I started the talk by sharing the various definitions of “intimacy”:

Definition of INTIMACY (noun)
1 : the state of being intimate : familiarity
2 : something of a personal or private nature
Definition of INTIMATE ( verb)
1: to make known especially publicly or formally : announce
2: to communicate delicately and indirectly : hint
Definition of INTIMATE (adj)
1 a: intrinsic, essential; b: belonging to or characterizing one’s deepest nature
2 : marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity
3 a: marked by a warm friendship developing through long association; b: suggesting informal warmth or privacy
Definition of INTIMATE (noun)
: a very close friend or confidant : an intimate friend

…tailored that for organizations, and tied it in with the tips provided in “Making 2011 the Year of Great Relationships” (my edits for non-profits are in brackets):

* Share more. Be open and honest about what is really going on in your {organization}. This will help others relate to you better and, in turn, open up to you. {In this era of “reputation is king and transparency is queen,” being open and honest will also help you build trust with constituents and stakeholders. So share as much as possible…oddly-shaped birthmarks and all.}

* Make time to talk. {Schedule} a time to chat each day. Consider setting a time limit, {and let each person you talk to know that you respect and appreciate their time and will only take up a five/ten minutes of it. Then keep it under that limit.} It helps the quiet person speak up—and the chatty one focus on what’s really worth saying.

* Go outside together. Being outdoors relieves stress and makes it easier to connect. {It  gives you and everyone you meet with a chance to get out of the ‘business-as-usual’ environment, enabling you to be more genuine and open to creative solutions.}

* Discuss finances. Money is one of the most divisive issues in a relationship. Discuss it and decide how to manage it before it becomes a problem. {Discuss it with your team, with your donors, and with your constituents. Remember: Be open, honest, and transparent. Not only is it good for everyone to be on the same page, but if you’re a non-profit, people can only help you if they know where and how to help.}

* Turn off the computer. And the iPhone, TV and videogames. Too many {people} spend evenings with their separate electronic devices. {Be fully present when you’re with people.} Try talking without a screen in front of you.

* Make new friends. Research shows that high-quality relationships are important. Add to your support network by reaching out to someone you’d like to know better. {Remember that: Focus on QUALITY, not quantity. As a non-profit, you want people to click on the “Donate” button more often than the “Follow” button – only quality relationships will lead to that.}

Basically, if you’re going to build relationships, do it well. Do it with honesty. Do it with respect. Most importantly, do it with meaning. Delve into your deepest nature and share that with people.

And in the spirit of “doing it,” my next post will highlight the tools I recommend using…

Yeah. I’m a big tease.

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